Jack's Journey: Addiction to a Life Rebuilt

Jack's Journey: Addiction to a Life Rebuilt

Early Life and Upbringing

My name is Jack, and I am a person in recovery. I grew up in a small town in Southwest Alberta, Canada. I had an amazing childhood with loving parents who only wanted the best for us kids. I have two older brothers, and my parents are still together to this day. Growing up, there was no addiction around me. I didn’t know the signs of addiction, and I didn’t witness it on a regular basis. My parents took us on many family vacations and made sure we participated in as many activities as possible.

When I was nine, my parents moved us to Edmonton, Alberta, just one hour east of our small town. I was an average student who was very active in sports. Moving to a city gave me the ability to really excel in athletics. In middle school and the beginning of high school, I played as many sports as I could. In high school, I led an extremely active lifestyle with school, sports, part-time work, and a social life.

Struggles with Self-Worth and Negative Thoughts

Looking back today, I realize I had many addictive behaviors that I perceived as normal. I would obsess over things and create unrealistic expectations in my head. I always set myself up for disappointment by placing high expectations on myself and others. I pushed myself to the point of exhaustion. Whenever I was alone, I told myself I was useless, that no one liked me, that I had no friends, and I constantly questioned why I was continuing on with life. The negative self-talk nearly drove me crazy.

In my teenage years, I had many achievements in track and soccer. I thought for sure my future was set in sports. But no matter how much success I had on the field or track, I hated myself. I didn’t like the person I was, and no matter what I accomplished, it wasn’t good enough. I had a big ego, yet my self-worth was extremely low. I believed I was only okay if people accepted me, so I would change depending on who I was with. I was a people pleaser, but at the same time, I was mean to my friends and loved ones. I was a bully, which was a direct result of the hate I had for myself. I thought that if I focused on other people’s flaws, I wouldn’t have to think about my own.

The Beginning of Addiction

I had my first drink at 13 years old. The first time I drank, I blacked out. I loved it. I loved the effect that alcohol gave me. I didn’t have to feel anything. My drinking started as an occasional activity with friends but quickly escalated into a weekly habit. I thought I was just having fun and doing what everyone my age was doing. I believed my drinking was innocent, unaware that I was trying to escape my reality.

By grade 12, everything changed. My friend group shifted, I started using drugs, I began skipping school, and I dropped out of all sports. I barely graduated. From the moment I took that first “hard” drug, my addiction spiraled out of control. I convinced myself that nothing bad would happen to me. I chose not to go to college or university and instead stayed in Edmonton where my addiction worsened. I got into legal trouble and couldn’t hold down a job.

The Downward Spiral

I was eventually court-ordered to attend a treatment center. I spent 28 days in rehab and used drugs the day I got out. I hated the person I had become and did not want to feel. I did not want to stop using. My parents kicked me out, and I became homeless. I gave them broken promises and lied constantly. I became a stranger to my family. From the outside looking in, my life appeared to be a disaster. But at the time, I didn’t care. I did so many things I was ashamed of, but instead of facing that shame, I used more to numb it.

I moved to Calgary, to live with my brother, who was also in active addiction. We did not get along and fought often. I tried everything to escape my addiction - changing locations, enrolling in college, moving to different areas, switching substances, and hanging out with new people. I thought quitting drugs would solve everything, but I never wanted to quit drinking. Nothing worked. I spent a few more years digging myself deeper into addiction, making more mistakes, and hating myself more each day.

The Turning Point

By the time I was 21, I was living in a two-bedroom apartment with four other people. I started using drugs I swore I would never touch. I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror - I despised the person looking back at me. I received another DUI, lost another job, and finally surrendered. I asked for help and, for the first time, I was serious about getting better.

I entered a treatment center and I committed myself fully because nothing else had worked. In treatment, I learned that I wasn’t a bad person with a moral failing - I was sick with the disease of addiction. I allowed myself to heal by taking the advice of my counselor and peers. After treatment, I moved into a recovery house for three and a half months. The structure and accountability in the recovery house were exactly what I needed.

Recovery and Loss

Recovery has not been easy. It requires hard work and complete lifestyle changes. Nine months into my sobriety, I faced one of the most devastating nights of my life - I found my best friend dead from a drug overdose. I wanted so badly to escape the pain, but thanks to my support system and the tools I gained in recovery, I stayed clean. I knew that if I hadn’t done the inner work up to that point, I wouldn’t have made it.

Then, the day after my 25th birthday, my boyfriend of two years died from an overdose after a relapse. Once again, I faced incredible loss, but I stayed sober and grieved properly. I now stay clean not just for myself, but also for my best friend and my boyfriend. I will never understand why their lives were taken, but I refuse to let addiction take mine, too.

A Life Rebuilt

Although I have experienced grief and trauma in my recovery, I have also received countless blessings. Today, I love myself. I have freedom from my past. I have rebuilt my relationship with my parents. I am studying addiction counseling. I can pay my own bills. I have wonderful friends, and I have the ability to handle life as it comes. I know I’m not perfect and will make mistakes, but I am proud of the person I have become.

The compulsion to use is gone. My first thought in the morning isn’t about getting high - it’s about how I can become a better person. I have remained clean and sober and I know if I can do it, so can you. If you’re struggling with addiction, please seek help – there are people who want to help you - recovery IS possible.