Jasmine’s Journey: Breaking Free from Gray Area Drinking

Jasmine’s Journey: Breaking Free from Gray Area Drinking

Discovering the Truth About My Drinking

If you asked me to describe my recovery journey in one word, it would be “happy.” Not because sobriety is all sunshine and rainbows, but because I’ve learned to experience genuine happiness—the kind that isn’t fueled by alcohol. Now, when I feel joy, excitement, or fun, I know those emotions are real, not something artificially created by alcohol.

For nearly a decade, I struggled with what I now know as gray area drinking. Growing up with two parents who were sober through Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), I had a black-and-white perception of alcoholism: either you were an alcoholic or you weren’t. Because my drinking didn’t fit into the extreme cases I had seen or heard about, I didn’t recognize my own problem for years.

Putting Out the Fire Before It Consumed Me

I finally got sober in November 2020, but my real “day one” came months earlier when I first decided to quit for good. Throughout my past, I had moments where I questioned my drinking habits. One of the earliest was after I spent a year living in Australia, drinking and partying almost daily. I didn’t reflect on it much until I returned home and started feeling the impact.

Since my first time getting drunk, I had always battled intense anxiety the day after drinking. Towards the end of my time in Germany, that anxiety became overwhelming. It was the first time I seriously evaluated my drinking and its effects on my mental health.

After that experience, I tried a Dry January challenge. While I completed the month without drinking, I found it excruciating. That difficulty convinced me that I could never truly quit alcohol. My sobriety attempt didn’t last long—just a couple of months later, the COVID-19 pandemic hit, and I found myself drinking almost every day. Like many others, I justified it as a way to cope with isolation and boredom.

One day, while listening to a podcast, I heard something that changed my perspective forever. A guest, who was sober, described drinking as a spectrum rather than a black-and-white issue. She said something that stuck with me: “If there was a small fire in your kitchen, you wouldn’t wait until your whole house was in flames to put it out.”

That realization hit me hard. I didn’t have to wait until my life was in ruins to take action. If alcohol was a problem for me internally, then that was enough reason to address it.

The Moment I Chose Sobriety

There wasn’t a dramatic rock-bottom moment that led to my decision to quit. One night, I went out drinking with friends, got too drunk—nothing out of the ordinary for me. The next morning, I woke up to a message from a friend saying, “Thank you so much. I had such a fun time!” But I didn’t feel the same. I felt lower than ever before.

It was an emotional breaking point. A switch flipped in my mind, and I thought, “I can’t stand feeling like this anymore. I can’t do this anymore.” I was exhausted—tired of waking up anxious, ashamed, and wondering if I had embarrassed myself. That was my moment of clarity.

A month later, I made the commitment to quit drinking for good.

Finding Strength in Support

Getting sober wasn’t a smooth or immediate process. I had several false starts—staying sober for a few weeks, then drinking again, then trying again. I was lucky to have my mother, who had been sober for nearly 40 years, as my biggest supporter. In the early days, I called her regularly, leaning on her wisdom and experience.

I also sought external support from a virtual sober support group and I devoured books dedicated to sobriety and recovery. Seeing my own story reflected in others’ experiences was incredibly powerful. It reassured me that I wasn’t alone and that recovery was possible.

One of the biggest mindset shifts for me was realizing that sobriety isn’t about stopping for a little while—it’s about staying sober for good. I understood that if I allowed myself to drink whenever I really wanted to, I’d be trapped in the same cycle forever. True recovery meant learning to sit with my discomfort and not turn to alcohol as an escape.

Tools That Helped Me Stay Sober

One of the most effective strategies I used was something called “playing the tape forward.” My main reason for quitting wasn’t that I got into trouble when I drank—it was how I felt the next morning. I was sick of the shame, the anxiety, the self-loathing. So, whenever I felt tempted to drink, I asked myself, “How am I going to feel tomorrow?”

It’s easy to romanticize drinking, picturing the fun and relaxation, but that’s never the whole story. Remembering the morning-after reality was a powerful deterrent.

I also kept a note on my phone listing all the reasons why I shouldn’t drink. It included everything from how horrible my hangovers were to embarrassing things I had done while drunk. Whenever I felt the urge, I’d read through my notes, reminding myself why sobriety was worth it.

Happiest Sober: Sharing My Journey

In my early days of sobriety, I found a lot of inspiration from sober influencers like Milly Gooch, founder of the Sober Girl Society. Their stories helped me, and I wanted to do the same for others. A few months into my sobriety, I started sharing my journey on Instagram.

What started as a small personal outlet has now grown into a community of nearly 60,000 people—my own little corner of the internet where I connect with others on the same path. I’ve since expanded my work, becoming a writer, podcast host, and creator of a virtual sober community called Happiest Sober. It’s a space where people can share their experiences, be heard, and find support without judgment.

A New Life Without Alcohol

Today, I’m approaching four years of sobriety, and I’ve never been happier. My life isn’t perfect, and sobriety doesn’t mean avoiding hardships. But now, I know that every emotion I feel is real. I no longer use alcohol to numb pain or manufacture happiness.

For anyone considering taking the first step toward sobriety, I want you to know: you don’t have to wait until your life is in shambles to make a change. If alcohol is negatively affecting you—even in small ways—that’s reason enough to take action. Recovery is possible, and the freedom that comes with it is priceless.

If you’re ready to begin your journey, seeking professional guidance can make all the difference. There are countless resources available, from licensed treatment professionals to rehab centers and support communities. You are not alone, and your path to a better life starts with one brave decision.